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When I grew up in the 1990s, the government appeared to think that income inequality based on sex was best addressed by telling girls that they could do anything. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions told me that structural and social impediments would fall in the face of my self-assurance.

Experts have since disproven the idea that a person can transform their existence through optimistic thoughts. Will Storr, in his work Selfie, unpacks how the free-market ideology of fair competition underpins much of personal development trends.

Yet, I still feel remains convinced that if I work hard and create a sturdy vision board, I can achieve my wildest dreams: the single obstacle to my future is me. Where can I locate a point of equilibrium, an equilibrium between having faith in my boundless abilities but avoiding self-reproach for all missteps?

The Key Resides in Modesty

The resolution, as stated by an early Christian thinker, a religious leader from Hippo, is humility. He wrote that modesty served as the base of all other virtues, and that in the quest for the divine “the initial step requires modesty; the second, meekness; the final, humility”.

As someone who left the church such as myself, the word “humility” can evoke a range of negative emotions. My upbringing occurred at a time in religious history when worrying about appearance was considered vain; lust was frowned upon outside of procreation; and even pondering solo sex was a punishable offence.

I doubt that the saint meant this, but throughout much of my life, I mixed up “modesty” with embarrassment.

Constructive Meekness Isn’t About Personal Disgust

Being humble, as per mental health expert Ravi Chandra, isn’t equivalent to despising yourself. An individual practicing constructive modesty takes pride in their skills and successes while acknowledging that learning never ends. The psychiatrist outlines multiple forms of modesty: respect for diversity; meekness across ages; modesty in knowledge; awareness of limits; humility of skill; humility of wisdom; modesty in the face of wonder; and compassion in pain.

Psychological research has similarly found a range of benefits coming from open-mindedness, encompassing increased toughness, acceptance and bonding.

Meekness in Action

Through my profession providing emotional care in aged care, I currently view modesty as the act of attending to others. Modesty serves as a centering practice: returning, breath by breath, to the ground I stand on and the person sitting in front of me.

Certain individuals who tell me identical stories about their past, over and over again, whenever we meet. Rather than counting minutes, I try to listen. I try to stay curious. What lessons are there from this human and the stories that have stayed with them when so much else has gone?

Taoist Serenity

I attempt to embrace the Taoist attitude which expert Huston Smith described as “creative quietude”. Taoist philosophers urge individuals to quiet the ego and exist in harmony with the natural order.

This might be especially relevant amid efforts to restore the damage our species has done upon Earth. In her book Fathoms: The World in the Whale, Rebecca Giggs explains that practicing humility enables us to reunite with “the primal self, the creature that quakes in the face of the unknown". Taking a position of humility, of uncertainty, allows us to remember people are components of an expansive system.

The Beauty of Meekness

There’s a desolation and despair that follows assuming no limits exist: success – be it getting rich, reducing size, or securing an election – turns into the sole valid outcome. Humility enables grace and failure. I practice modesty, grounded in reality, implying all necessities are present to develop.